PETER
Hey, what about Sappho? Some of her poems were found less than a hundred years ago.
AMY
Not a playwright.
PETER
We could transform her poetry into a play.
AMY
I tried to get Ted to let me do that a long time ago. No deal. Besides, they’re just not very interesting poems.
PETER
You’d think for a lesbian –
AMY
Oh, God, I just wish there had been one woman in Ancient Greece who wrote a damn play!!
PETER
There had to have been.
AMY
Well, I would sure like to meet her.
(There is a knock on the door and CLARISSA, 20’s, enters. She “came to live out loud.”)
AMY
Hi, can I help you?
CLARISSA
Hi, I’m Clarissa McLean and I have an appointment to read for Antigone.
AMY
Hey, I’m Amy. This is Peter.
PETER
Hi.
AMY
You’re a little early.
CLARISSA
It’s called Clarissa time. You’ll be loving me for it. Here’s my resume and headshot. My videos are online. (grabbing Peter’s
iPhone) Let me show you.
PETER
No, that’s OK.
AMY
We still like to do things the old-fashioned way here.
(CAROL ANN enters.)
CAROL ANN
I thought the audition was at 11:30?
AMY
Oh, uh...
CAROL ANN
Not to worry, dolls, Carol Ann is ready to assist.
PETER
Where’s Ted?
AMY
I don’t know. I guess he’s still mad. Where’s Rick?
PETER
Rummaging around in the closet, no doubt.
AMY
OK...
CLARISSA
Is there a problem?
AMY
No, no.
CAROL ANN
She looks a little younger than me. She’d make a lovely Ismene.
CLARISSA
I’m interested in reading for Antigone.
AMY
Actually we’re mounting this with three actors.
CLARISSA
Cool. I do love a threesome.
CAROL ANN
I’ve memorized Antigone’s first speech with Ismene, if you’d like to have her read that.
CLARISSA
I thought it was a monologue. My agent said it was a monologue followed by some sides.
AMY
It is, it is. What’s your monologue from?
CLARISSA
Lipstick Emergence-C.
AMY
I’m not really familiar with that.
CLARISSA
You will be.
AMY
No doubt.
PETER
Playwright?
CLARISSA
McLean.
PETER
McLean?
CLARISSA
Clarissa McLean.
AMY
Now that’d be you?
CLARISSA
It’s my Fringe show. I sold out five shows in Minnesota, four in DC and three in Iowa City.
AMY
As a classical theatre we require a monologue from a classical text. Your agency should have-
CLARISSA
I think you’ll find my work up to those standards.
CAROL ANN
She’s got balls, I’ll give her that.
PETER
Testes testes one two three.
CLARISSA
Heterosexist males have been stifling underrepresented voices in theater for 2500 years. I think you two as women and you as a
gay male would agree?
PETER
How did you know - ?
CLARISSA
Honey... “testes testes one two three?” And where are the heterosexual males in this company, may I ask? Oops, West Village,
maybe not.
AMY
There are two.
PETER
(muttering) One and a half.
AMY
One’s pouting.
CLARISSA
About what? No, let me guess. Power and privilege, am I correct?
AMY
In a way.
CLARISSA
So if you require a classical text I’ll be happy to bore you with some Clytemnestra or some Medea, unless you’d prefer to hear
truth spoken to power in which case I’ll give you something that will completely and totally fuck you in the skull.
AMY
Preach on, sister.
CLARISSA
Hello, I’m Clarissa McLean. C-L-A-R-I-S-S-A M-C-L-E-A-N. SAG eligible and Equity candidate. I’ll be performing a selection today
from Lipstick Emergence-C by Clarissa McLean.
PETER
How do you spell that?
CLARISSA
C-L-A-R-I
PETER
No, I meant the show.
CLARISSA
Lipstick – do you have that, sweetheart?
PETER
Yes, girlfriend.
CLARISSA
Emergence – E-M-E-R-G-E-N-C-E...C, the letter C at the end. See the title is kind of a quadruple entendre, get it? First,
“Emergency”, like a problem, right, and the, second, “emergence, see”, like “see, it’s emerging”, and then, third, C for Clarissa,
so it’s like “lipstick emergence, Clarissa,” like I’m coming out as a lipstick lesbian and then, fourth, “C”, referring to the body part
where the lipstick actually emerged from in the embarrassing incident that gave rise to the entire thing and about which my
monologue will be. I’m actually not a pure lesbian, however, I alternate between male and female partners to keep my Yin and
Yang aligned, although I did recently go to Lesbos and dug pottery. Literally. I mean I literally dug it up, you know not just “oh, I
really dig that, man”. Although I do really dig Greek pottery. I guess I dig it both ways, if you know what I mean.
PETER
You went to Lesbos?
CLARISSA
As inspiration for my show. I found this really cool piece of pottery with writing on it. It was from the 1940’s, but still, it made me
think.
AMY
Did it, now?
CLARISSA
Yeah, about all those Classical Women, what it was like and all. And what it must have been like for Antigone. Her brother, rotting
in the sun and all.
AMY
It’s too bad you didn’t dig up a new play. A new old play, that is.
(PETER and AMY both look at each other. They confer briefly.)
CLARISSA
Do you want to hear my monologue?
CAROL ANN
I thought we just did.
AMY
Clarissa, we have something else we’d like you to do.
CLARISSA
I don’t take my clothes off, OK? Not for scale.
PETER
This is a little bit different, Clarissa.
(BLACKOUT. In darkness we hear the flute and the chorus of voices:
“We call to you, Athena, come to us.
We suffer in a world of pain and strife.
Lead us along the path out of darkness.
Point us in the direction of the light.”
Lights up on TED, AMY and PETER watching CLARISSA deliver her monologue. She’s actually good.)
CLARISSA
“...I stand now where I struck him down.
I struck him twice. In two great cries of agony
He buckled at the knees and fell. When he was down
I struck him the third blow in thanks and reverence to Zeus.
Thus he went down, and the life struggled out of him;
And as he died he spattered me with the dark red
And violent driven rain of bitter savored blood.”
Scene.
TED
Very nice. That was the Lattimore, I believe.
CLARISSA
Actually, it was from Agamemnon. I said that at the beginning. Didn’t you hear me?
TED
I meant the Lattimore translation. Harrison Lattimore, was one of our Drama professors at school. He inspired all of us to start
Theatre Athena. An amazing scholar, actor, translator, dramaturge...a true kickass Athenian.
CLARISSA
Then he must be really excited about the big find.
TED
What big find?
CLARISSA
You haven’t heard about the big find?
PETER
What kind of find are you talking about?
CLARISSA
Oh, an old papyrus.
TED
As opposed to a young papyrus?
AMY
Where did they find this...this find?
CLARISSA
It was in a tomb. On Lesbos. I heard about it when I was there this spring with my girlfriend. Researching for my new show,
Lipstick Emergence-C, which sold out twelve times during three fringe festivals this summer. You can see the whole thing on my
website, and there’s segments on YouTube –
AMY
Tell us more about the papyrus.
CLARISSA
Oh yeah. Um, it’s a piece of an old play. They’re not sure who it’s by.
TED
Sounds like another Ichneutae.
CLARISSA
They were saying it was considerably more than the Ichneutae.
TED
You know the Ichneutae?
CLARISSA
Of course.
PETER
But not a complete play, right?
AMY
Certainly not a complete, finished play?
CLARISSA
No, not complete.
TED
I hadn’t heard anything about this.
CLARISSA
Well, they had just discovered the papyrus in this tomb, not far from where we were in our dig. And they were taking it to Athens.
AMY
To the state museum?
CLARISSA
Right, that’s what I think they said. Anyway, they said it was still in Greece. And it was going to stay in Greece. Just like my
girlfriend, the bitch.
TED
Well that’s good.
CLARISSA
I know, I am so ready to cycle back to men.
TED
No, I meant good for the papyrus. No more Elgin Marbles. We should find out about this.
PETER
I’m on top of it big guy. (referring to his iPhone) Here it is. “New papyrus sheds light on ancient Greek drama.” Appears to have
been a comedy.
TED
What’s it about?
PETER
Uh, it doesn’t really say.
TED
Uh huh. They have a name for it?
PETER
Uh, they haven’t determined its title yet.
CLARISSA
Maybe Harrison Lattimore will translate it.
TED
I’m sure he will.
AMY
Well, as well as being our business manager Peter is our dramaturge and literary manager and I’m sure he will look into this
further.
PETER
Yes, I certainly will look into it further. Thank you so much.
AMY
Yes, thank you so much for letting us know about that. That’s fascinating. Isn’t that fascinating, Ted?
TED
Yeah, it’s interesting.
AMY
It’s more than interesting, if it’s bigger than the Ichneutae.
TED
If it pans out, sure. You guys, they find scraps all the time.
(TED receives a text message on his phone.)
CLARISSA
This was more than a scrap.
TED
(reading his message) YESSS!!!!!!
CLARISSA
Well not that much more.
TED
I gotta get over to Brooklyn.
CLARISSA
You’re leaving my audition?
TED
Polite Mechanicals got evicted from their space in DUMBO. They got a light board and a box of gels on the street and it’s first
come, first served.
AMY
Do you have to go now?
TED
Hey, I’m trying to save us some money.
PETER
What should we do about this new find?
TED
Keep digging, so to speak!
(TED exits.)
AMY
Thank you SO MUCH!
PETER
You were perfect, perfect!
CLARISSA
He left my audition.
AMY
It’s fine. Like we said, you convince him there’s a new find, you’ve got the part.
CLARISSA
Cool. So what happens now?
AMY
I think I have to write a play.
CLARISSA
No, I meant me.
PETER
You want to help?
CLARISSA
Not really.
The following sample occurs early in Act One.
To receive a copy of the entire script, please email me at richespey "at" gmail.com