Martha’s Choice
A ten-minute play
Based on a
true story:
March 12, 2003 -
Covington, LA (AP) – Two dozen monkeys escaped from a research center and holed
up in a forest, where animal-control workers used bananas and oranges to try to
lure them out.
Characters
Martha, a female rhesus monkey
Snowball, a male rhesus monkey
Charles, a male rhesus monkey
The Time
The present
The Place
A forest outside of a primate research facility
(A forest. Some lab paraphernalia – glassware, instruments, bowls, a cardboard box. Snowball is rolling and playing. Charles, who wears glasses, is reading a book. Martha is looking out, calling off. They all assume a monkey-like posture.)
Martha
Ludwig! Come back! Be strong! You can hold out a little longer! Ludwig!!!! Damn! Now there’s only three of us.
Charles
He was hungry. I can’t say that I blame him. We’ve missed two scheduled feedings.
Snowball
Hey, I’m hungry, too. You don’t see me wussing out. (beat)What’d they offer up?
Martha
What they always feed us. Bananas.
Snowball
Bananas! Again with the bananas. When what I really want is a nice, juicy, cheeseburger.
Charles
They’re not going to give us cheeseburgers, Snowball. We’re rhesus monkeys.
Martha
We must be able to eat something out here...what about those berries? (indicating a plant with berries)
Charles
You don’t know if they’re safe or not.
Snowball
What, you scared, wuss monkey?
Charles
I’m merely pointing out that we’ve never had to forage for our own foodstuffs before and...
Martha
Our ancestors managed to survive for millions of years in the wild. We just need to tap our primal urges.
Snowball
Let me show you how it’s done. (He eats some berries, becomes ill and spits them out.)
Charles
You see, I told you that this plan was infeasible. We’ve been caged in the research facility all our lives -
Snowball
Shut up you little wuss!
Martha
Snowball, please –
Snowball
Hey, at least I’m tryin’ here, Martha. Not like foureyes who just sits there reading. You look like a homo with those things on!
Charles
That is an insult! Never call me that again! I am not a Homo aapiens, I am a rhesus monkey, thank you very much!
Martha
Charles, I’m sure Snowball didn’t mean anything by -
Snowball
Why do you wear those stupid homo glasses, homo? Only homos wear those things.
Charles
These spectacles were given to me after...after (he can not continue)
Martha
It’s all right, Charles, you don’t have to go there.
Charles
No! They were given to me after they botched that frightful experiment on my corneas. Testing out laser eye sugery on rhesus monkeys! Another injustice! I suppose the Homo Sapiens felt remorseful, for once. At least I can still see clearly. And don’t you question my monkeyhood, Snowball. I’m still here, keeping a stiff upper lip, after the rest of them gave up the minute they became a bit peckish.
Snowball
Well, maybe they just don’t got what it takes to survive in nature!
Martha
That’s just it, Snowball! Of course they do. We all do! Our research cohort has been exposed to every virus, every bacterium, every parasite they can throw at us in their experiments. And we are the few who survived it all. What is it called, Charles?
Charles
Survival of the fittest. We are the most fit, simply because we have survived.
Martha
We are the few with the genes to survive anything – bioterror, chemical attack, global warming, funding cuts – you name it. And now that we’ve escaped from our cages there is nothing that could destroy us. Nothing!
Snowball
Freedom, baby! That’s what this is all about! Now let’s kick some homo butt!
Charles
How do you expect to do that without food resources? You didn’t think of that, did you, Martha?
Martha
I came up with the escape plan, didn’t I? Give me a little credit here.
Charles
Well, I will say your plan worked beautifully. Having us save our urine in jars for three weeks and then flood the control room with it during exercise time to short circuit the electric fence was a stroke of genius.
Snowball
You saved it in jars? I just held it for three weeks. Man.
Martha
And now that we’re free all we have to do is figure out how to survive in the wild and reproduce before we starve to death.
Snowball
Yeah, babe! Let’s get rrrready to rrrrrreproduce!
Charles
I think finding a means of sustenance is our primary need right now.
Snowball
Look, jerkoff, you’re not helping any, reading a book just like the homos do.
Charles
Perhaps, Snowball, if you had ever tried to improve yourself rhesus monkeys wouldn’t be in the state we’re in today. We’re completely at their mercy, unable to survive in our natural ecological niche -
Snowball
Charles
I don’t want to be a Homo! But I feel that if we’re going to outlast our oppressor then we have to be able to interpret his world.
Martha
(indicating his “book”) What is that, anyway?
Charles
It’s a book of pages and pages of letters! I think it may be the genetic code! (The “book” is a book of Word Search puzzles.) I took it from my keeper when we escaped. I think it holds the secrets about our genes, about why we’re the only ones who are resistant to every known pathogen.
Martha
Is it our code or theirs?
Charles
It...doesn’t say. I can’t read that well yet.
Snowball
Who gives a baboon’s ass? You shoulda took some food!
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